The Game

April 11, 2025

In too many areas of my life, I find myself theorizing profusely while sitting idly. I tell people I like the idea of entrepreneurship; yet I refuse to ship. I tell people I like journaling; yet I refuse to write. I tell people I like limiting my caffeine intake; yet I drink two energy drinks per day.

Would I call myself an unambitious person? Certainly not. I pride myself on my work ethic and drive. There are certain facets of my life— grades, athletics, career— which have received the nourishment necessary to grow to a level I am proud. In other areas, however, I am weak. Not only have I acknowledged that I am weak, but I have acknowledged what needs to change as well. I’ve read the motivational quotes. I’ve heard the benefits of reading long-form content. But I don’t act on them.

Where does this disconnect stem from? In some respects, I am an absolute killer. In others, I feel almost paralyzed.

I believe the key differentiator between those domains which I thrive in and those which I fail to act on is the existence of the game.

I am pretty good at playing the game. Those pre-existing systems deeply ingrained into society are those which I manage to excel in. Put me in school at age 4, and watch me figure out how to get straight A’s. Put me on a basketball court, and watch me figure out how to earn all-league honors. Put me in a computer science program at Princeton University, and watch me secure a FAANG internship.

In these instances, an environment already exists where the rules are explicit: do x and achieve f(x). Do your homework, and get good grades. Shoot 100,000 shots, and improve your three-point percentage. Do 300 LeetCode problems, and get a SWE job. Because I am confident in my ability to work hard, these games serve me well.

What happens when you enter a game without knowing the rules? The reward function is much less clear. I am about to graduate college. What is f(x) now? “Success” or “happiness” sound nice. But these aren’t well-defined. What is f(x) in my career? What is f(x) in my personal relationships? Do I want f(x) because everyone else wants f(x)? I know that I can do x, because I’ve done some really hard x before. This doesn’t intimidate me. The issue is, I need to identify what f(x) is worth pursuing. And then, I need to determine what x will get me there. I need to think deeply about the game I want to play.

I’ve decided to start a blog as a first step towards creating my own game. One f(x) I want is to be a good writer. Good writers write. Alright. To become a good writer (f(x)), I will write (x). Hence, this blog.

Some other rewards f(x) I am looking to achieve over time: learn more about history, get better at sales, bench 225 lbs for reps, build a startup, take my parents on vacation.

Life is a game. Leaving school behind means entering a game where the rules are much less clear. Writing in public will get me out of my comfort zone, improve my skills along the way, and push me to think deeply about what kind of game I want to play.